


in blackwater woods

by prettyboy_parker



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Sad Peter Parker, Unhappy Ending, everyone is sad tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-29
Updated: 2019-04-29
Packaged: 2020-02-09 18:22:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18643555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prettyboy_parker/pseuds/prettyboy_parker
Summary: “Every yeareverythingI have ever learnedin my lifetimeleads back to this: the firesand the black river of loss.”(from In Blackwater Woods by Mary Oliver)MAJOR ENDGAME SPOILERS. Don’t read if you haven’t seen it yet. Or do. I’m not your mother.





	in blackwater woods

**Author's Note:**

> endgame literally broke my heart, so expect angsty sad fics for a while. I cried writing this.

 

Is it better to know someone who’s passed too well or not know them at all?

 

That’s what Peter thinks as he sits on the steps of Mr. Stark and Miss Potts- no wait, Mrs. Stark’s (because of course he missed that too) cabin-like home. 

 

Aunt May cradles him in her arms, sobs without tears wracking through him because all the water in his body has left through his eyes and down his cheeks. 

 

He can feel the stares of some of the other Avengers, their mourning kept silent. At first he worries that he’s taking the sympathy from Mrs. Stark and Morgan.

 

But he then thinks,  _fuck it_ . 

 

Because deep inside he’s entered the anger phase of the Kübler-Ross Model and he knows that because this has happened before.

 

Twice.

 

There’s a tiny tap on his shoulder and he turns around, lifting his head off of May’s shoulder.

 

It’s Morgan, and she’s staring at him with those big, brown eyes and she looks  _just like Tony_.

 

“Spider-Man, why are you crying?”

 

Peter lets out another choked sob as Happy ushers her away.

 

̶̶̶̶ ̶ « ̶ ̶̶̶ ̶ ̶ ̶̶̶ ̶ « ̶ ̶̶̶ ̶

 

Aunt May gets him a therapist as soon as he’s settled in at home.

 

Before, even the _thought_ of  therapy would be unfathomable for them because it’s so goddamn  expensive . 

 

It’s not a problem now because Peter is in Mr. Stark’s will.

 

He has no idea when Mr. Stark wrote it, if it was before the first battle with Thanos or before he got everyone back. 

 

It doesn’t matter, because he’s making a great use of the money. 

 

It said specifically that he wanted Peter to use as much as he needed for college. 

 

Using it for therapy is a great alternative, don’t you think? 

 

It also gave him total access of his lab.

 

But Peter hasn’t stepped foot in it yet.

 

His therapist talks about this with him, about why he won’t go and work, and Peter just tells her that it reminds him too much of Mr. Stark.

 

Even though he knows it’ll have not even a trace of Mr. Stark because the lab hadn’t been touched in 5 years. 

 

He cries as he sits on the white couch of her tiny office.

 

̶̶̶̶ ̶ « ̶ ̶̶̶ ̶ ̶ ̶̶̶ ̶ « ̶ ̶̶̶ ̶

 

Pepper asks him to baby sit. 

 

At first he says  _hell no_ , which earns him a frown from his Aunt. 

 

But his therapist thinks it’ll be the best experience ever, so he agrees.

 

He holds in his tears as he walks up to their front door.

 

Morgan greets him with a reluctant hug as Pepper quickly tells him everything he needs to know, like how chicken nuggets are in the fridge and Morgan needs to be in bed by 8.

 

She rushes out the door and Morgan pulls him up into her room.

 

He watches as she plays with her Barbie dolls because she said he can watch but he can’t touch. 

 

He makes her chicken nuggets and broccoli and she eats the nuggets but not the broccoli.

 

He says he’ll finish it for her and that makes her laugh.

 

Soon enough it’s 8, and Peter tucks her in for bed and gets a mumbled _goodnight_ in  thanks. 

 

He sits at the kitchen counter and mulls over a cup of coffee. 

 

He makes the mistake of looking around. 

 

There’s pictures of Mr. Stark and Miss Potts-  _fuck_ , he’s _got_ to  stop doing that. They’re from their wedding, during her pregnancy, and all of Morgan’s birthdays so far. 

 

His eyes rest on the picture of him and Mr. Stark when he was presenting him with the fake award for his “Stark Internship”. 

 

Before he knows it he’s crying and he can’t take his eyes off the picture for some reason.

 

He wipes his tears with the sleeve of his sweater, heart heavy.

 

“Mr. Parker?” 

 

Peter almost screams in response to F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s voice.

 

“Mr. Stark asked me to show you something when you were alone. Would you like to see it now?” 

 

His heart rate elevates.

 

“Uh, y-yeah.” He stammers, looking around the room.

 

A hologram appears in the office adjacent to the kitchen. 

 

It’s Tony.

 

He chokes back a sob and clutches his chest.

 

“ _Hey Pete. Uh, I just filmed the video for Pep and Morgan, and I just felt like I needed to say something to you separately. If you see this, then I’m gone,”_ He lets out a laugh _. “And I just wanted to say that I’m sorry that I couldn’t save you the first time, and that I, uh, I’m going to do whatever it takes to get you back. And I don’t want you to feel guilty about it, because the world will still go on without me, right? So just remember I’m looking out for you, and you just need to live your life because I shouldn’t have pulled a kid into all of this. Go to college and change the world for me, okay? I-I love you, kid_.”

 

Pepper finds Peter asleep on the couch, face stained with tears.

 

She wakes him up and he looks at her with bloodshot eyes. 

 

They hold each other and cry, cry and cry and cry until there’s no more tears left.

 

Things will never be the same. 

̶̶̶̶ ̶ « ̶ ̶̶̶ ̶ ̶ ̶̶̶ ̶ « ̶ ̶̶̶ ̶

“ _Look, the trees_

_are turning_

_their own bodies_

_into pillars_

_of light,_

_are giving off the rich_

_fragrance of cinnamon_

_and fulfillment,_

_the long tapers_

_of cattails_

_are bursting and floating away over_

_the blue shoulders_

_of the ponds,_

_and every pond,_

_no matter what its_

_name is, is_

_nameless now._

_Every year_

_everything_

_I have ever learned_

_in my lifetime_

_leads back to this: the fires_

_and the black river of loss_

_whose other side_

_is salvation,_

_whose meaning_

_none of us will ever know._

_To live in this world_

_you must be able_

_to do three things:_

_to love what is mortal;_

_to hold it_

_against your bones knowing_

_your own life depends on it;_

_and, when the time comes to let it go,_

_to let it go_. ”

-In Blackwater Woods , Mary Oliver

**Author's Note:**

> rip me. thanks for reading.


End file.
